Saturday, October 12, 2013

Artsy Fartsy

Day 90, He stopped short? THATS MY MOVE!!!!!! - 10/6
by Jerrad
It's Adventure Time, go and grab your friends. Read about our journeys to distant lands. With Shana the wife and Jerrad the beard, our story is not to be feared. There are no ninjas or wizard staffs, but we hope you'll stay and have some laughs. It's Adventure Time! The adventure for the day was to visit the Museum Berardo. It turns out the museum was free and all we had to do was get there. Nice. 
Google had informed us that we needed to take the bus. We walked to the bus stop and were fortunate enough to be the only ones there. That was because our bus wouldn't get there for another fifteen minutes. As the minutes passed new faces showed up to wait with us. By the time the bus got there twelve people had huddled around the stop. The bus pulled up armed to the teeth with humans. Me managed to smush our way in and had to post up in the very front of the bus right by the door. At one point the bus had to stop short and some old man had grabbed my wife's boob. Someone had Frank Costanza'ed my wife...  and it seemed to cure his depression, arthritis, rickets, cataracts, Alzheimer's, and osteoporosis. It's a good move and it put a smile on a old man's face who looked like he needed one. I shot him the, "It's a good move old man. It looked like it made your day. Use it wisely because if you ever misuse it or do it again to my wife I will use the five-point exploding heart technique then light your corpse on fire and dance on your ashes." The free candy bus ride was over and we had made it to our stop with only one of us being violated. Cool, so off to the museum we go.
In front of the museum there were a lot of handmade crafts so Shana was drawn to them like fat kids to... wait a minute. Are those donuts? See ya. We sifted through the handmade rubbish (most of it wasn't rubbish, but some of it could be mistaken for actual trash), made no purchases, and made our way into the museum.
 We thought we'd start at the bottom and work our way up. The lowest level was filled with vintage ads. It was awesome to see what advertising used to be like before social media and television. There were some real choice pieces (see pieces: real choice). We had our fill of old advertisements so we went to the next floor; conceptional art. 
Conceptional art can go one of two ways. One: It can show an artist's talent and portray their talent in very creative ways. Two: It's absolute garbage. Maybe that's just my opinion, but some of the "art" pieces lacked talent. We had enough conceptional art for the day and made our way up to the next floor; marks on stuff. 
The next floor had some... interesting pieces intermingled with some real actual interesting pieces. We had our fair share of "interesting" art so me mad our way to the next floor; the good stuff. 
The top floor had Dali's lobster phone, a Pollock, a couple of Warhol's, a Mondrian, and even a Picasso. The museum had been looked from bottom to top by us so we made our way to the exit.
A short walk from the museum was the Padrão dos Descobrimentos. It's a beautiful sculpture looking over the Targus river. We snapped a few pictures and we were off to wait in line.
The reason we were waiting in line was to grab a couple of small custard pies at Lisbon's famous Pastéis de Belém. The line was deep. People came from all around to gobble up the small pies like Pac-Man chomps blue ghosts and power pellets. Shana and I waited in line, ordered four pastel de nata's (name of small custard pie), and went to the bus stop to catch a ride home. We each ate the one of the pies while they were still warm. I would have waited another hour for them. This is what I imagine heaven tastes like. Once our pies were gone we realized the bus stop was real, real crowded and we prepared ourselves for another ride where one of us might get violated. The tram came just before our bus and ninety percent of the people at the stop hopped on. Whew. Our bus came minutes later and we walked on and smiled knowing that with the bus almost empty, our chances of getting violated had all but vanished. 
Shana had wanted to cook us dinner and I didn't want to stop her. Shana made pasta with homemade pasta sauce. The ingredients for her amazing pasta sauce consisting of: a block of butter, a can of diced tomatoes, bacon grease, cheetos, a medium sized cheese wheel, spices, a cup of olive oil, cut up sausage, margarine, human pancreas, and ground up tur-duck-en*. This sauce was poured over cheese tortellinis. I felt my arteries start to seize from pure happiness. This brought on a coma that we wouldn't come out of until morning.

*Some of these ingredients may/may not have been added.

Real Choice

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